Hunger of a lion

by X 5:15 PM 0 comments act alive dead depression feelings good good people people shit soul

Good people, good people. Who are those good people? Let me tell you.

From my experience good people are broken souls; this is the reason why they are good. They’ve seen too much shit; they’ve been through a lot, that’s why they are good. They know how it feels to be treated like shit, that’s why they decide to be kind, to help and not to judge others.
I’ve been –and still am– called a good/kind soul. I think I’m not. I’ve been –and I am – broken, I’ve seen the worst in people, I’ve felt the hate of others. I’ve learnt that hearts are made for pain and for breaking. 
With the risk of repeating myself, I’ve felt the damage of one’s hate and ugliness on my own skin, that’s why I promised myself to never act with hate, I would never want others to go through the same feelings. 
Don’t get me wrong, every time someone hurts me or angers me I still feel that hunger for payback it’s like the hunger of a lion, but then, I always remind myself what I said “Never again!” so I forgive because I had enough. Being kind it’s not easy, and it doesn’t come at ease, it takes  strength, and most of the time being kind doesn’t pay you back, sadly. But for me, knowing that I managed to control my emotions and avoid hurting others is all that matters, so after all it is worth it. 
Lately, I don’t know what’s been happening to me. I feel like I have lost my way. Every time someone hurts me a piece of my soul turns black, it dies, and I’m afraid that one day I won’t even have a soul left to be saved, but that’s ok, I guess. After all, who cares? Nobody! 
I need a new direction, I’m tired of being the good person for everybody else while I’m hating myself, wishing I was dead every night before I fall asleep and every morning when I woke up. I need my own good soul, I need someone to care, not only to care, I need someone who understands, I need someone who can put his/her own interests on the second plan, at least once, like I do for everybody else. I need a reason to stay alive because right now I’m dead and I'm just acting like I’m alive.

(http://streetx222.deviantart.com/art/SNOW-420684521)