“I’m happy” that’s the lie I keep telling myself every morning when I wake up, and every night before I fall asleep. I mean, I must be happy, why wouldn’t I? It seems that love found me again after all but is it real? I keep wondering if it is. I really don’t know, because I feel like I don’t know myself anymore, I don’t know what’s real and what’s not real.
It’s awkward. It feels strange.
I’m afraid that I’ll get hurt again, and that’s probably what’s going to happen; at least that’s what people say: “where there’s a fire someone’s gonna get burned”.
I wanted to run, to run away so no one could find me, but I was too weak, I couldn’t do it; I cannot turn around, I’m mesmerized by you, because you’re such a forceful and determined human being.
You have confessed to me that you use people to get where you need to be, you would trample anyone who getsts in your way. And after you have told me all of this, now I’m afraid that, maybe, I’m just another one of your victims, and the worst of it is that I won’t know it, until it hits me right in the face. You make all my self-confidence disappear, and you make it come back, it’s just a weird cycle.
I guess only time will tell what’s real and what’s not. At least I'm not crying anymore − or so I say −.
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